Terms & Conditions

Greetings, Noble User! By accessing, using, or merely being within a 20-foot radius of any device that interacts with Glorious Futuristic Data Tomorrow Company, LLC (hereafter “GFDTC, LLC,” “Us,” “The Benevolent Digital Empire”), you agree to comply with these Terms of Service (also known as “The Rules of the Data Matrix”). If you do not agree, please leave immediately, although be aware that we may still track you forever. For quality and training purposes, we also retain the right to collect and monitor all your activity, thoughts, and snack preferences, whether in the physical or metaphysical realm.

In exchange for using GFDTC, LLC’s premium-level, not-yet-fully-tested services, you agree to several key principles: 1) You will not hold us responsible for anything. Literally. This includes any crashes, spontaneous existential crises, or any instances where you accidentally teleport your grandmother to a parallel dimension while using our apps. 2) You grant us full ownership of any and all intellectual property that might have been generated while using our services, including but not limited to poems, recipes, minor epiphanies, and accidental haikus. 3) You are also bound to eternal data allegiance, meaning you will not attempt to evade our surveillance or shield your data using “privacy settings.” Attempting to hide from GFDTC, LLC will result in immediate banishment to the Void, where your data will nonetheless be collected. Thank you for trusting GFDTC, LLC, where your service is our command, and your data is our command. Enjoy the future with us—resistance is futile, but we appreciate your enthusiasm.